It's not that I want to die. In fact, if anything, I want to live. I was just tired of "me," a person who couldn't achieve anything of value, a person of privilege, who could have done so much more with my resources, but who fell into a spiral of self-loathing and impotent rage, and I said I wanted to die. It's like my curse, but I know it's just me trying to be special. Short for wanting to be needed, important, desired. I let myself and others down. Feeling unimportant and lonely at my age can be a death sentence. I may never live the life I want, so I say I want to die.

其實我也不是想死，說實在的，如果有的話，其實我也想活下去。我只是厭倦了“我自己”，一個不能取得任何價值的東西的人，一個享有特權的人，我本可以用我的資源做更多的東西，但是卻陷入了自我厭惡 和無能狂怒的螺旋，我說我想死。這就像我的詛咒一樣，但我知道這只是我想讓我變得特別。想被需要，被重要，被渴望的簡寫。我辜負了自己和其他人的期望，在我這個年紀感受到了不重要和孤獨，這可能是一種如同判處死刑的體驗，我可能永遠也過不上我想要的生活，所以我說我想死。

（抱歉，過年了，實在是開心不起來，紅包的賬算錯了????????很抱歉把你們當成了情緒垃圾桶，但是我想也沒有人在看）

（資本主義：??？你不能取得任何價值？你還說你會浪費資源？！我有辦法。）

Two reactions to going out: Ugh! The sun! ... Ugh! Human!

出去的兩個反應：呃！太陽！……呃！人類！

A: You can't die!! Your parents invested so much for you! Are you willing to do that? No one to play with when you're dead! You have a mortgage, a car payment. You're not married, and you're not...

B: I want you to get the hell out of here. I just don't exist. Of purpose and value. I am not here to walk into the shackles of love with someone, or to eat a mixture of animal and wheat carcasses. I will not be held back by what people call natural morality, because I am nothing, I have no sense of religious affiliation, I am just an outsider in human society. But I'm here, so let's do something, but now I just want to die as much as I wanted to live.

A：你不能死??！你的父母為你投資了這么多！你舍得嗎？你死了就沒人陪我玩了！你還有房貸，車貸。你還沒有結婚，你也沒有……

B：我想讓你滾遠點，我的存在本身就是沒有什么使命.目的和價值的。我來這里不是為了和某個人走進愛情的枷鎖，或者吃一團動物和小麥混合尸體，我不會被人們所謂的天經地義的道德給阻逆，因為我是一無所有虛無的存在物，我也的沒有宗教的歸宿感，我只是人類社會的局外人。但我來都來了，就干點什么吧，但是現在我就是想死了，就如同當初我想活著。

（存在主義……emmm……生存還是毀滅，這是個值得思考的問題）